My hubby is probably the biggest supporter of this blog, not least because he sincerely believes in what we’re trying to do in becoming debt free.
Yet although I run most of my post topics past him to get his input (and also to extract ideas from him!), he rarely reads the posts once they’re published.
In fact, my hubby doesn’t read any debt blogs, websites or articles about debt at all. This is because he hates reading about debt.
Why does my hubby hate reading about debt?
It’s not just reading about debt, my hubby hates thinking about it and talking about it too – unless we’re talking about an excellent debt repayment for example, in which case he doesn’t mind too much! But those excellent debt repayments don’t happen all that often.
The fact of the matter is that reading, talking or just thinking about debt makes my hubby cringe. He remembers the mistakes he’s made around money and he can’t help but recall the impact debt had on us at its worst. Scary conversations with creditors spring to his mind along with the sacrifices we’ve had to make in order to get out of debt, not to mention the psychological effects that debt carries.
I know where he’s coming from. It’s easier to try to forget about it and because we’re heading in the right direction now financially, my hubby would simply rather not be reminded too much of the bad times we’ve experienced at the hands of debt.
I’m the opposite although this hasn’t always been the case. Nowadays, I read, think and talk about debt issues to arm myself with the knowledge I need to make sure this never ever happens to us again. I don’t mind because in my head I’ve already won the battle and conquered it. We’re not in the clear yet but I know that we will be!
Helping people in debt
So my hubby and I had a conversation about the blog and debt in general the other day. One of my goals for this blog is to reach people that really need help with debt and inspire them to do something about their debt situation. In relation to this, the hubby said something that really stood out for me:
“It’s all well and good telling people that they should face up to their debt and stop ignoring it – it’s easy to say that – but there are people out there who really don’t want to know about this stuff. Some people avoid reading, talking or even thinking about debt in general. They are in denial. You won’t be able to reach them until they get to a crisis point where they are faced with not being able to pay back their debt – just like we did. When that happens they will look for help.”
This struck a chord with me because I think that my hubby is right. There are people out there who are oblivious to the damage that their debts are causing but they won’t do anything about it until they absolutely have to. We know all too well how this situation occurs because it happened to us.
So I guess in regard to those people in debt who can’t be reached, when the time is right for them, they’ll look for the information and support they need in order to help themselves get out of debt. In the meantime, I’ll keep plugging away at this blog in case they ever happen upon it!
On a serious note, if this is the first time you’ve come across this blog and you’re really worried about your debts, please know that you’re not alone – there are many other people out there with debt problems. Please ask for help if you need it. If you don’t know where to start, you can always drop me an email. 🙂
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*Part of Financially Savvy Saturdays on Femme Frugality and The Million Dollar Diva*
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26 Comments
Good post. Until people want to change, nothing is going to happen and as your OH says, often it takes a crisis…
But I am optimistic that the internet and blogging will improve things. People won’t take a day off work to sit in a CAB waiting room or pick up the phone to a debt charity until they are desperate. But they might stumble across good debt advice if they are trying to find out where to get a consolidation loan or improve their credit rating. That’s why I set up Debt Camel.
Sara @ Debt Camel recently posted…Will I lose my lawnmower? and other bankruptcy questions
Thanks Sara! Good point about the internet being readily available with helpful debt resources if people are willing to ‘look’. I had no idea about the amount of information ‘out there’ that could have helped us until well after our crisis point, when it suddenly dawned on me that perhaps we weren’t the only ones in trouble with debts.
Your husband is just like mine and you are just like me in this way, Hayley! In fact, he never read my blog yet but I had him read my recent post on curve balls to make sure he was comfortable with it.
I agree, with your hubby and Debt Camel that people need to hit that crisis point in order to do something about it. Ignoring it takes away the anxiety so it is a temporary (but worsening) fleeting fix only.
I think you are doing a fabulous job creating a motivating atmosphere, here on this blog. I love coming here because I know I’ll find something supportive to encourage me. Kudos to you!!
Like you, I hope to inspire people that it’s not the end of the world and you can sort yourself out from a debt crisis. The more success stories we can get out there will hopefully reach people sooner, so they don’t delay in taking action until it gets to the worst possible crisis state!
Debs @ debtdebs.com recently posted…Curve Balls – When You Are Hit With Unexpected Financial Events
I’m glad that you like reading this blog Debs! Thank you for your kind words. 🙂 It’s a shame that reaching a crisis point needs to happen to most of us before we wake up and smell the coffee, but that’s life isn’t it? I’m finding your blog very inspiring Debs so I’m sure other people will too – debt or no debt! 🙂
Hey Hayley and thanks for an insightful post!
The one thing I have learned in life is that there’s no telling what people want or don’t want.
Another thing I have learned is that you can only do what YOU can do and if that means writing for yourself, then so be it. I do know that once your thoughts are out there, those who need your help WILL find you!
Your work on debt reduction is important and the best way that we can all learn is by reading your personal experiences and taking what we can from those experiences.
As bloggers and publishers, we are mostly preaching to the choir. But every now and then, someone who truly needs the help, will benefit greatly from what you have written! And THAT is the reason you do what you do! 🙂
Take care Hayley and my best to all.
Lyle
lyle @ the Joy of Simple recently posted…The Joy of Simple Turns 1 Year Old!! 🙂
Thanks Lyle for keeping me motivated! I guess it does feel like preaching to the converted sometimes! But you’re right, those occasions where someone truly benefits from something I’ve written here do happen from time to time and it is what keeps me going!
Hayley, this is so true. Just like any other problems we have in our lives, unless we are willing to accept them and want help, then we can’t be helped. I work with a number of people with debt problems and they all claim to want help, but I know the ones that will be the most successful because they are the ones that are completely honest and truly look themselves in the mirror. And you are right, they are not alone and they won’t be alone on their journey to a better place financially.
Shannon @ Financially Blonde recently posted…Music Mondays – Compass
It took a crisis for me to reach out and do some reading about how to get out of debt, which is when I came upon several PF blogs that I have come to LOVE (including yours)! I’m glad I found PF blogs and the advice and inspiration I needed to help me finally decide to work on getting rid of my debt and change my life. Keep it up Hayley!
Shoeaholicnomore recently posted…Getting out of Debt is Hard
Like many people, I was in deep debt denial and had no interest in helping myself until I started dating a PF blogger who told me to get my financial act together. Now I’m marrying one so I’m destined to be good with my money forever. 😛 Your blog is such a gem Hayley and I know it’s helping many people trying to claw their way out of debt!
Girl Meets Debt recently posted…End of May 2014 Debt Repayment Update
I completely agree with this. People need a crisis point that causes them pain in order for real change to occur. Wish it didn’t have to be that way but many times that is all that gets our attention.
Brian @ Luke1428 recently posted…Why I’m So Excited to Spend Money Again on Cable TV
My boyfriend is similar. A year ago, talking to him about what our plans are for our student loan debt was almost impossible. He hated discussing it because he associated it with failure. He graduated with a “useless” degree and is pretty confident he’ll never use it. Now that he has paid off two of his loans, he’s feeling more optimistic about it, but he never reads my blog either. Finance doesn’t really interest him! At least he was proactive with his loans and was paying extra, though. That is better than ignoring the situation.
E.M. recently posted…Pushing the Boundaries
Your husband is spot on. You can take a horse to water but you can’t force him to drink and you can tell people until you are blue in the face about the dangers of debt but until they are ready to hear you, they won’t. The good thing is you’ll be here when they are ready to listen and are already helping those who are listening now.
Shannon @ The Heavy Purse recently posted…Kids Should Be Kids AND Learn about Money
I think you’re right in that people who are in denial are not going to be googling info like this, but when they are ready, sites like yours will offer support because you have been through/or are going through it yourself. People will see they are not alone.
Tonya@Budget and the Beach recently posted…Six Month Check Up
Thanks Tonya! Being in debt can feel like a lonely place so I’m glad this site will provide some kind of empathy and help for those people who need it (when they’re ready).
Hi Hayley! I read one time that most people learn in one of two ways. #1 by inspiration and #2 by pain. In other words some people can find your blog and be inspired by reading your words and about your life and decide to change their life. Or, people can be down and out, and heavily in debt and find your blog and go from there. I do agree that the majority of people seem to wait until they are in pain, but never discount those who find you by inspiration. I think us writers write for both types of groups and ourselves as well. Keep up the great work! ~Kathy
Kathy @ SMART Living 365.com recently posted…EssentialismâA Better Way To Describe Minimalism?
I definitely learned this financial lesson the painful way. 🙂 Thanks so much Kathy! 🙂
Its really hard to reach someone in debt if they don’t want to listen. The best thing you can do is direct them to the right resources and support them emotionally if they are going thru a tough time.
Debt and the Girl recently posted…What Defines You?
Well said. People make their own minds up to do something or change the way they do things when they’re ready.
My hubby is the EXACT same way, Hayley! This is why the PF blogging community has been such a huge help to me. And I totally agree with your hubby’s statements, but at least the info will be here when those people are ready, right? 🙂
Laurie @thefrugalfarmer recently posted…Great Fathers Day Gift Ideas
Lol! It’s been a huge help to me too Laurie. Exactly, this site will be here when people need the info!
I remember when it was very hard for me to write about debt. Now, I can’t seem to stop thinking/reading about it! Many of my friends are the same way. I used to want to talk about money with them, but I could tell they were uncomfortable for whatever reason. Now, I wait until they bring it up, and some of my friends/family have now asked me for help! I think the more you put it out there that you’re available/willing to help without shoving solutions in people’s face, the more likely they’ll turn to you once they have their own “a-ha” moment.
Lisa E. @ Lisa Vs. The Loans recently posted…Links Lisa Likes – Adobo Cook Off
I think when it comes to family and friends, they need to see proof that what we’re doing is actually working I think. Great point about being there to help without forcing it on them!
Your husband makes a good point. A lot of people just want to avoid the topic, hoping that ignoring it will make it eventually go away. With most problems, the first stop to resolving it is to admit that it’s a problem and then to seek help. Fortunately, the sites like yours are available with information to help those who take that step. Plus, it is much better when it comes from someone who can empathize with their struggle and has found a roadmap to debt freedom.
Andrew@LivingRichCheaply recently posted…What Are You Investing In?
Thanks Andrew. We were just like that, plodding along making things worse for ourselves without meaning to because we hadn’t realised the seriousness of our debt situation. As you say, this site and other resources will be there for those people when they need it!
I think you’re right. And I think that point comes at different stages for different people. For me, my crisis point was before I even incurred debt. I was paralyzed in fear of it, and rarely took any lines of credit out. In some cases that was a good thing, but in some cases it stunted my financial and educational growth. Once I figured out how to properly manage my finances, I learned how to leverage credit to my advantage and started getting my money game together.
I know its a different experience than most, and the consequences are very different, but I am so supportive of what you are doing here. You help so many.
femmefrugality recently posted…Financially Savvy Saturdays: Forty-First Edition
The roles are reversed for my wife and I. I’m the one who wants to talk about debt all the time and she rather it be over with. 🙂 I agree, so people can’t be helped until they make the decision on their own. It took years for us to come to terms with our over spending, it wasn’t until we hit rock bottom until we got our act together and got help.
Brian@ Debt Discipline recently posted…Interview Series: Jen Spends