Paying off a substantial amount of debt is difficult, but certainly not impossible. With belief and commitment, you can tackle your debt and get rid of it for good. It’s all about getting into the right mindset and really wanting to be free from debt! The road to debt freedom contains plenty of ups and downs and as well as these, you might find yourself experiencing a rollercoaster ride of emotions along the way.
Every Wednesday for the next 8 weeks, I’ll be writing about some common emotions that go hand in hand with tackling your debt along with some practical advice on how to deal with them. So far, I’ve covered ‘Fear’ and ‘Denial’, so if you missed these, feel free to check them out!
Stage 3: Anger
When you find yourself in a great big pile of debt, it’s not uncommon to feel angry and stressed about your situation. Being in debt is very uncomfortable at best and over time, it can really take its toll on our emotions.
Why do we feel angry about our debt and what can we do about this to help us move forwards?
What is anger?
A strong feeling of annoyance, displeasure, or hostility. Source: Oxford Dictionaries.
Anger is a very natural, instinctive and powerful emotion that we can feel for many reasons. Being angry could be pinpointed to the feeling of being ‘attacked or threatened’ physically, mentally or verbally.
For example, we might feel angry about a situation at work because the senior management are making cuts in order to save the company money. If our job is on the line, this could cause us to feel threatened, helpless and therefore angry.
We feel anger when we are attacked in some way. Ever had someone insult you either intentionally or not? Or even worse – your child or close family member has been ‘wronged’ somehow. That protective instinct rises up and causes a bubble of anger which just might explode if it’s not dealt with in the right way.
Many of us do something that looking back we regret. How often have you kicked yourself because you wish you hadn’t done it and now you’re living with the consequences?
Why do we feel angry about debt?
Anger in this context is closely linked to debt stress. Being in debt can be very stressful on many levels and getting angry is one way in which we try to cope with the situation. We often have regrets about our debt because the likelihood is that we don’t have many assets to show for it. This regret becomes more prominent as we realise what it will take in terms of financial sacrifices to turn things around.
We feel guilty about how we managed to get into such a financial mess in the first place and often look for reasons as to why this happened to us. The protective instinct kicks in and we start asking questions and looking for somewhere to put the blame.
How did I manage to spend so much on that holiday last year?
Why did the bank lend me money if I couldn’t really afford it? Surely they should have told me ages ago to stop spending!
Why did I have to stretch myself on the mortgage? I should have bought a cheaper house!
If my wife / girlfriend didn’t spend so much on clothes we wouldn’t be in this mess.
We wouldn’t be in all this debt if my husband / boyfriend didn’t always ‘need’ the latest gadgets.
Everybody’s in debt aren’t they, why am I the one who has to suffer?
Once we’ve gotten over the fear and denial stage of being in debt, we want to know how we were so badly ‘wronged’ and who was at fault. We think that there must be a blame element somewhere and we want to look everywhere except at ourselves to start with.
How to stop feeling angry about your debt and move forwards
Stop pointing the finger
The bottom line is that it’s no good looking for blame. This way of thinking doesn’t help anyone especially yourself. It’s tempting to blame the banks and credit card companies; after all didn’t they lend you money on a plate whenever you asked for it?
It’s not up to your creditors though to tell you how to manage your debt. They are looking to make money, that’s what they do but at the end of the day, they want their money back. They do give you a kind warning hence that little sentence they put on your credit card statement: “By only making the minimum payment, you are prolonging the length of time it will take you to repay the balance.”
It’s also tempting to blame those closest to you, because they were ‘there’ too and could have intervened, or stopped spending money themselves so as not to tempt you to spend more. Heck some people might have even talked you into spending on your credit card for whatever reason!
But blaming other people is just a way of avoiding (temporarily) what has actually happened. Your debt lies with you so inevitably blaming other people will cause resentment on both sides. That won’t be a helpful process to go through.
Eventually, once you’ve looked for blame elsewhere, you may start blaming yourself (and other people may even be making you feel incredibly guilty about your debts). Whilst it’s important to recognise that – yes you are the one with ultimate responsibility for the debt – it’s also vital to remember that you are the one who can change things. Nobody else.
Don’t lash out at those around you
Have you ever felt that ‘anger bubble’ feeling I described above? The chances are that when you’re facing up to the reality of your debt situation, you’ll have a short fuse for a while until things become calmer.
The amount of time it will take for your anger to subside will depend on how long it takes you to regain control of your debt situation and start making a plan to get back on track. The sooner the better!
If you can, try not to lash out at those you love. Sometimes arguments are good to clear the air, but if this is you feeling angry because you’re kicking yourself about the debts, go for a walk, clear your head and return when you feel calmer.
Being in a lot of debt is a turbulent journey, once which can take a while and those closest to you will be part of that journey, whether they know it or not. Remember that pointing the finger doesn’t get you anywhere. Your time would be better spent looking at ways to make more money or save more money to get you out of debt faster.
Accept your situation and don’t look back
Everyone does something that they regret in life. Even the stranger walking past you on your way to work will have some kind of regret over something. You will probably have regrets over getting into debt in the first place but it’s really important to accept your situation for what it is now and try to improve it.
You can do that by accepting responsibility (not blame). Look ahead into your future and imagine what your life will be like once you’re living debt free. Don’t look back.
Be positive
Your journey to debt freedom might be short or lengthy. Either way, keeping your spirits up and being positive will really help you along your way. Every time you start to feel angry about your debts, remind yourself that this is just something that is happening to you ‘now’ and it won’t last forever.
Research debt success stories to motivate yourself and spur you on to keep tackling your debt. You could also join debt forums such Money Saving Expert’s debt free wannabe forum where you can find support and encouragement from people in a similar position.
You just need to get through the hard part before you’re well on the way to securing yourself a good financial future. You will be challenged as you work your way out of debt but it will be a really great learning curve at the same time. Imagine how proud of yourself you will be when you achieve debt freedom!
Celebrate your successes
Every time you hit one of your debt payoff goals, celebrate! Start with small goals and aim higher as you go. Reward yourself by doing something you really enjoy once in a while. Then get right back onto that road to debt freedom.
Can you relate to stress and anger caused by being in debt?
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Related posts:
- Debt free living: a dream or a reality?
- I will not give in: the cycle of debt has been broken!
- How to stop wanting stuff that you can’t afford.
Image courtesy of Free Digital Photos “Frustrated Woman Expressing Breakdown“
25 Comments
I can definitely relate to those feelings, although I think the emotion that most strongly resonates with me is “frustration.” It is so frustrating that I made financial mistakes in my early 20s when I didn’t know much of anything about personal finance and those mistakes are still heavily affecting our money today. It’s also frustrating to see such a huge chunk of our income going toward student loan repayment, as I can think of a LOT of other things I’d like to do with that money!!
Dee @ Color Me Frugal recently posted…Calculate Your Net Worth and Take Steps to Improve Your Financial Future
I wish they’d taught personal finance at school. I remember my mum showing me how to write a cheque! That was about all the financial education I managed up until about a year ago! It really can be so frustrating especially when you can’t see a light at the end of the tunnel.
I think it’s normal to be angry when you have too much debt, although you can’t do anything about it, right? One can only accept it just like you said there, and plan how he or she will overcome his or her situation.
Mark Ross @moneysavingdude recently posted…7 Characteristics That Successful Business Owners Have In Common
Yep – once the damage is done, the damage is done. But a person can fix things for themselves if they want to.
I was mad at myself for ever getting in debt, and mad about how much interest I paid by just paying the minimum. I could sit and feel anger about how much I could have applied that interest into savings, but what’s done is done. All I can do is move on and hope I’ve learned my lesson!
Tonya@Budget and the Beach recently posted…High School Reunion Worth It?
I’m sure you have Tonya! I try not to think of how much interest I’ve paid over the years – but I bet it’s in excess of several thousand pounds. 🙁
I’m not sure if I would say I’m angry over my student loans, but they do contribute to stress. If my boyfriend and I didn’t have those monthly payments we would be able to complete our savings goals quicker. We’ve cut our expenses so it also puts pressure on us to make more. It does serve as motivation though, as I don’t want them to hold us back forever.
E.M. recently posted…4 Financial Tips for Young Professionals
I think owing money is stressful no matter how much the amount is. In our case, I feel like every penny we earn actually belongs in someone else’s pocket because we already spent it years ago! I’m sure your student loans will be gone sooner than you think E.M. 🙂
Dude, I love this series. I totally relate to everything. I’m just angry at myself for not making time to learn about money management when I was borrowing and angry for having so much moeny offered to me, insanity. Im beyond angry now though thankfully 😉
Catherine recently posted…Some Things Are Worth Spending a Little Money On: Weekend Project Edition
I’m really pleased you like this series Catherine! I’m glad you managed to get past the angry stage. I know what you mean – I used to feel angry about being lent the money in the first place too.
I can definitely relate, as I consistently deal with anger. I am improving over the years, but it’s something I’ll probably always have some trouble controlling. Debt’s definitely a trigger, as are impressions that you’re being insulted, as you noted, Hayley.
Done by Forty recently posted…How We Used Mental Accounting to Pay Off Our Mortgage
I never understand what people get out of insulting other people. Where I used to work, my old boss used to insult me indirectly for example, undermining my work especially in front of colleagues. That kind of thing really used to get my goat! I could never say anything so this angry resentful feeling just used to bubble away under the surface! That’s great that you’re managing to deal with anger issues now DB40 (although I can’t imagine you being angry)! 🙂
I definitely think it’s normal and OK to be angry at yourself for going into debt. When I finally “woke up” and realized how much student debt I had and how long it was going to take me to pay it all off I was really mad at myself. I felt angry and stupid and frustrated that I hadn’t been paying more attention to how much I was borrowing and how it was going to impact me as an “adult”.
KK @ Student Debt Survivor recently posted…Are You Prepared for a Natural Disaster? 15 Prepping Tips
I think you touched on some really great strategies for dealing with the anger associated with debt repayment (or any challenge), namely, acceptance and positiviity
Stefanie @ The Broke and Beautiful Life recently posted…I Went to the Gym… And It Was Awful
The anger side of it hits us all. You look back and feel annoyed that you can ever get into the situation you are in The tips you have provided are helpful in dealing with this side of debt.
On a personal level I just remember that I can’t change what’s happened, only what I can do to get out of debt.
Rob recently posted…Sometimes it pays to complain
Exactly Rob – we can’t change the past, but we can change our future if we want to!
I certainly can relate to it Hayley, the level of serenity you feel when you have a handle on your debt and money is just untrue. Everything else in life seems to magically slot into place. An angry mind is so limited in what it can plan for and achieve, it must be something to do with the ‘fight or flight’ response, where your mind and body is focussed entirely on survival and doesn’t provide for any higher order thinking or long term outlook.
Wealth Tortoise recently posted…Control Your Finances Or They Will Control You
We still have a long way to go but even now, we feel so much more at peace than before. Because we now know where every penny is being spent in our account and what we have leftover, we don’t have that awful panicky feeling when an unexpected bill crops up.
I agree that the first thing we should do is stop blaming the problem on others. If ya got a problem, fix it. It’s your problem, no one elses. Blaming the problem on someone else will never fix it.
Troy Bombardia recently posted…Who Should I Use to Host My Ghost Blog?
Thanks Troy for stopping by! I think ‘blame’ is a pretty pointless tactic in terms of blaming others and even when blaming ourselves about something. With blame comes guilt. But with accepting responsibility, comes hope and progress!
I frequently get angry about my debt. Especially when I just look at the big number. But what helps me cope is reminding myself that a lot of it is student debt, and I had a great experience in school, so I don’t really regret it. Celebrating the small wins also helps tame the anger.
Lisa E. @ Lisa Vs. The Loans recently posted…January 2014 Net Worth
That’s great that you have a good education to show for it. And like you say, you had a brilliant experience getting your education. I agree celebrating the small wins is so important!
The anger side of debt was a huge motivator for me to start on my debt free mission. And you are absolutely correct when you say accept the situation and move on. The longer you wallow around blaming others for your OWN decisions, the longer it will be until you make that first step / payment towards debt freedom!
It can be a long journey from there, but it’s better than where you started 🙂
Great post.
Elesha recently posted…My fortnightly budget for 2014
Thanks Elesha! Any progress is progress – the sooner a person can accept their debt, the sooner it will be gone!