What is it about weddings and hen (bachelorette) parties that make us feel like we have to spend a fortune just to be part of them?
Recently, I very nearly let my old ways of handling money creep to the surface. That familiar urge of needing to spend money to make me feel better almost had me, but thankfully, I managed to get control of my senses and do some damage control before it was too late!
Here’s what happened…
My best friend’s wedding
My bestie is getting married soon and she wanted me to be part of the hen party celebrations, which took place last weekend. I knew it was going to be expensive, so I mentally prepared myself for the cost of the hotel, hen party activities and dinner.
Side note – the dinner was a murder mystery activity and we had to get into the character of various celebrities – I was Britney Spears! Couldn’t resist naming this post after one of her biggest hits!
Aside from those costs, I also anticipated that I would need to spend money on an outfit, since my regular attire consists of jeans and wellies most of the time (I live out in the sticks).
So, I paid for the hotel, activities and dinner in advance (£180). Then about a month ago, my car broke down and my house sale (for my rental property) fell through, leaving me with a big bunch of bills to pay. Needless to say, the last thing I should be doing right now is spending more money.
Emotional spending almost got the better of me
Well, hen party was all booked and I was really looking forward to it. That is apart from this sinking feeling I was getting in the pit of my stomach when I thought about the money I’d already spent – and what I still needed to spend on an outfit.
I knew I didn’t really have anything suitable for the activities we were doing and the night time party itself. I worked out I needed a complete outfit, because everything I had in my wardrobe just didn’t go together well enough for an outfit.
I did have one going-out top which was silver but that was at least 7 years old and it was more of a t-shirt affair than a dressy top. And I had one pair of gold and sparkly party shoes that would do. A clash at best – and only half an outfit!
I’ve got to admit, I was really worrying about what people would think of me. There were some old work colleagues going to this party that I’d not seen for a long time – people whose opinion used to matter to me. I’ve definitely grown a little older, wider (not necessarily wiser) and out of touch with fashion since I last saw them.
At the end of the day, I just wanted to feel good about myself and my crappy wardrobe was not helping matters. A new complete outfit with co-ordinating jacket would surely solve this feeling of insecurity I was experiencing!
Even though I felt guilty at the thought of spending money that I really needed for other things, I spent one miserable day (and I mean MISERABLE) dragging my little girl around the shops with me.
I searched for the perfect outfit and nearly fainted at the price tags before finally buying a plain pair of black jeans/trousers that were in a sale at £28.
Then thankfully, my senses kicked in and I gave myself a slap around the face (mentally of course – I was in public after all).
I was spending a gloriously sunny Saturday doing something I hated (shopping and spending), instead of enjoying quality time with my daughter and doing something we both loved.
I no longer am that spendy person I used to be!
I realised that even if I did find the perfect outfit to make me feel better about myself, I would be feeling horribly guilty afterwards for spending money when we’ve had a few financial setbacks.
And in the grand scheme of things, I was going to be spending money for the sake of just ONE night. The night wasn’t even about me, it was about my lovely friend!
I don’t think I’ll ever quite stop feeling insecure about some things like the fact that I’m getting older and less fashionable than I used to be. But these days I am able to recognise that these feelings are a result of my own low self-esteem.
Did I want to spend money that I really needed for other things to satisfy my own self-confidence issues? Would getting a brand new outfit REALLY make me feel better? NOPE!
What I did instead of making that emotional purchase
I cobbled together an outfit using the black jeans I got in the sale, my silver t-shirt top and gold sparkly shoes. Yes, I decided to ignore the clash and figured that I would be spending a lot of the night sat down with my feet under the table.
And I then I did one more crazy thing. I asked for help.
I emailed one of my friends and asked them if I could borrow a jacket. I was a bit embarrassed but I tried to ignore how I was feeling. My friend came back and said, “Of course!”
So I went out last weekend to celebrate my friend’s hen party and I wore my cobbled together outfit. I didn’t look amazing but I wasn’t turned away at any bars. No-one stared at me as if I was dressed in bin bags, even if I didn’t feel all that glamorous.
And you know what? After a few glasses of wine, I totally didn’t care what anyone thought about how badly my silver top and gold shoes were clashing.
I was just enjoying spending time with my friend and celebrating inside that I didn’t waste my money on an outfit I probably wouldn’t have worn again!
Can you relate to my experience of spending out of desperation? Tell me in the comments below!
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13 Comments
ha ha love the title! 🙂 Yes, that has definitely happened to me. In fact very recently. I had just spent a week at my dad’s place, which is a LOT nicer than mine, so coming home is always a bit sad when I look around at my crappy beat up apartment. I had this sudden urge to want to go hog wild making the place better, but luckily I just settled on one nice candle to make the place seem warm and inviting. I think temptation is always lurking around the corning. That may never go away.
Thanks Tonya! Well done on just stopping at a candle! The house I’m living in is a rental and it’s hard to not spend money on it to make it look nice. The style and decor really isn’t “me” but the rent is cheap so that takes priority!
Ugh I went to an event lately and it was for kids so I was dressed way down. A high school classmate ended up being there dressed to the nines of course. After that experience, I know what you mean about insecurities! And I’ve gotten older, less fashionable and wider, too.
I’m proud of you for not caving, though. When all is said and done, the people who care about things like that aren’t worth the time.
Femme Frugality recently posted…If Money Were No Object…
Thanks Femme, it’s nice to know it’s not just me who has these insecurities!
My friends love doing these murder mystery type events where you dress up as a character! I’ve also borrowed from friends to complete the looks and it’s really not a big deal. As you said, after a few glasses of wine, everyone is just having way too much fun to focus in on a fashion snafu.
Lisa recently posted…Q1 2016 Net Worth Update
Personally, I don’t worry about being too fashionable myself, although I do like splurging on my wife. So when she’s unhappy with her wardrobe, I get that feeling that I should be able to help fix it. This can lead to events like the infamous sweaterpalooza outing when we purchased something like 7 sweaters for her in one day. Not the best use of our funds! These days we try to rein in the urge to spend on wardrobe items unless absolutely necessary. Glad you were able to let go of your fashion desperation and enjoy your friend’s hen party!
Gary @ Super Saving Tips recently posted…You May Think That You’re Frugal…But Where Does Your Money Go?
For women, it seems especially hard if we don’t like an outfit or feel good about what we are wearing. At least you were able to find something on sale to keep from overspending and find a jacket to borrow to stick with your long term goals of not overspending. I think that is such a great idea! Good for you and you’re right, after a few glasses of wine, your outfit didn’t matter as much anyways:)
Ugh, everything about weddings are so expensive. When my best friend asked me to be her bridesmaid, I saved up $1,000 to cover EVERYTHING and whatever is left at the end of buying a bridesmaid dress, booking a hotel for the wedding, the bridal shower pitch in, and the bachelorette party is her wedding gift. It kind of makes some of the spending easier, because I think – do I need this so much it’s better for me to have it than for that money to go to her?
Mel @ brokeGIRLrich recently posted…Financially Savvy Saturdays #143
I can really relate to sinking back into the feeling that spending will improve your mood or attitude. I’ve had that happen a couple of times lately. I’m trying to connect that “Hmm, this feels familiar” feeling as a reminder that I need to come to my senses before I waste more money that I just don’t have.
Congrats on recognizing your emotional spending before going overboard, that is a huge accomplishment. I recently kicked my own butt to prevent lazy spending and stick to my food budget. I’d overspent in another area and pulled the extra from my food budget. The other day ordering pizza sounded so good because I really didn’t want to cook, but it was not in the budget and I knew I’d feel guilty if I ordered it. Instead, I took 10 minutes to cook up something from the freezer and was far happier for it. It is easy to slip into emotional or just plain lazy spending with excuses, “it’s easier” “it’ll make me feel better” But in reality trying to find more money in the budget is not easier and guilt from overspending does not make me feel better.
It is amazing how our minds always convince us that other people will notice if we don’t do something. In reality, so many people are worrying about their own things that our fears don’t even register on their radar! Glad to hear you caught yourself and was able to make it all work!
I’m such a bad shopper in general that I’d be driven to my closet first and then desperately have to buy something. I had hoped and hoped to avoid spending for a wedding several months after JuggerLB was born but I was still too in-betweeny and none of my suitable frocks would fit. I went to such lengths I actually got stuck in one I was trying to make work!
In most cases, I’d still just cobble something together and know it’d be fine, but given the fanciness of the invitations, I realized it just wouldn’t do. So unfortunately, I had to spend the money in that case, and it’s the one time I’m glad I did because going casual to this fancy a ‘do would have been quite embarrassing. The hosts would never have judged me but they had gone to such extensive lengths to provide and host multiple meals and accommodations I would have been embarrassed to show up looking like I didn’t care.
Revanche @ A Gai Shan Life recently posted…Finally Friday #4
I’ve only been in one wedding even though the majority of my friends and all my family is married, but I haven’t forgotten how expensive it can be. Mind you, it was my sister so of course, I would spend the money for her. Thankfully she is also the same size as me, so we have double the wardrobe when it comes to fancy events such as weddings.
Karen @ MakintheBacon recently posted…Confession: I Have a Bit of Chrometophobia