Coping with the emotional battles of parenting
By Hayley
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29 Comments
I have a 3-year old daughter. My husband stayed home with her for her first two years of life so they have a super tight bond. It’s always stings a little when she wants him over me. Similar to you, I recognize that this is more than playing favorites. I am the disciplinarian, my husband is fun, laid back and loves to play. (Which is one of the reasons I love him so.). And boy, has she ever mastered the playing one parent off the other game. Sigh – parenting. Love your connection to debt. It’s perfect.
Taynia | The Fiscal Flamingo recently posted…5 Influential People – It’s Personal
Thanks Taynia! I’m glad I’m not the only one in this parenting situation! I wonder how often you might find two disciplinarians for parents… or the opposite! Probably good to have a balance. 🙂
If am not mistaken and from the little psychology I can remember from school, your daughter could be displaying early signs of the Oedipus/Electra complex however you look at it, where a kid identifies more with a parent of the opposite sex. Completely normal i would imagine 🙂
I don’t have kids of my own yet but I can appreciate the efforts that go into bringing up a family. Finances do play a key role in family relations and I do agree completely with you, no matter what the financial situation is, the family comes first. Debts come and go, financial situations change but family is there always.
Simon @ Modest Money recently posted…Barclaycard Rewards MasterCard Review
Thanks Simon! I will definitely look up Oedipus/Electra – never heard of this before! Yes bringing up a family does mean huge efforts and sacrifices, which tend to happen without you noticing really. When my daughter was around 1 year of age, I looked back on how my life had changed – and I do prefer it!
Oh, am petrified when thinking about such events which will surely come in few years. Oh well, no one said that being a parent is easy 🙂
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Lol! It’s not easy but I wouldn’t change it for the world. My little girl is the best thing that’s happened to me in my life so far! 🙂
We don’t have children yet but I really appreciate your candid post, as I can imagine that’s a pretty difficult situation to deal with emotionally.
Done by Forty recently posted…Do It Now!
Exciting times ahead if and when you’re ready to have children Mr DB40! Even with the emotional battles, it’s well worth it!
Even a small glimpse at other people and their kids leaves me thankful for not yet having one. I believe that in my current position and starting businesses it is not the best idea to have a kid that I need to look after. I am up for the effort and know it will be hard however I want to get more financially stable first.
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Lol! You do have to be really sure before having kids that it’s the right thing for you and during the right stage of your life. Although some would say there isn’t a right stage as such!
Hayley recently posted…Frugal Feast #1
I appreciate the debt connection Hayley! Being a parent must be the hardest job in the world since I remember the handful child I was, but it must also be the most rewarding!
Girl Meets Debt recently posted…Special Treat!
Thanks GMD! It really is the most rewarding job ever even at the most challenging of times. I dropped my daughter off to school today (third time now) and the whole experience was marginally better than last time. So that’s progress!
Glad you liked the debt connection – it does feel like a battle at times doesn’t it!
Hayley recently posted…Frugal Feast #1
I don’t know how my parents deal with it. I have two very troubled siblings and they continue to stand by.
Stefanie @ The Broke and Beautiful Life recently posted…Eating In: Spaghetti Squash with Walnut Pesto
I think it’s something built into most parents. The only way I can describe the feeling of being of parent is that my daughter feels like a part of me, an important limb so to speak. Without her I would be lost!
Hayley recently posted…Frugal Feast #1
Sending you hugs and understanding! I have an 8 yo. Another scenario is that she is more comfortable separating from him than you. Sometimes when we had anxiety issues at drop off, it was enough to switch from me dropping off to my husband dropping off.
Jen@Healthful Saver recently posted…Here Comes Santa Claus . . .
Thanks Jen! Good point about her being comfortable separating from the hubby. That’s made me feel slightly better! Does it get easier the older they get from your experience with your child?
Hayley recently posted…Frugal Feast #1
We don’t have kids yet but we want them so I know I must be prepared. Money issues is the #1 reason for divorce so my wife and I talked all of that out before we got married.
Charles@gettingarichlife recently posted…How I Become A Millionaire….In Debt
I think if a couple can get through major money issues, that says a lot for the strength of their relationship. Even better to get an understanding of issues and solutions before getting married!
Hayley recently posted…Why you need to be happy in your job
Oh yes, I remember the first time the girls pushed me away in a tantrum. And it’s hard. You do second guess yourself, but I’m glad you were able to set aside emotion and look logically at the situation (which isn’t easy to do!). I’m often the enforcer in our home too so the girls often run to their Dad as they think he is more lenient. He’s really not, but I’m the one who is probably seen more as the “teacher” and he the “fun” one. I am fun; I swear it! 🙂
Shannon @ The Heavy Purse recently posted…Five Smart Fall Money Moves
Lol! I’m sure your kids find you lots of fun too, it’s interesting though how we adapt to these different parenting roles isn’t it?
Hayley recently posted…Don’t wait to pay off your debt!
Aww Hayley, I don’t have children of my own but I can totally see why you would get emotional when your daughter said what she said. I think I would react in exactly the same way, get very upset and me being me there would probably be tears too! 😛 If I ever have children of my own, I will be so protective over them too, just like you say “through thick and thin”, whatever happens. Ahh, parenting sure seems like a lot of fun! 😛
Eva @ Girl Counting Pennies recently posted…Frugal Feast #1
Thanks Eva! I have to admit I did shed some tears when I was by myself a bit later! Parenting is fun, sometimes we have challenging days but it’s all worth it. 🙂
This goes along nicely with my post about thinking about having kids. I can’t imagine how hard it was to hear that, even though you knew she didn’t really mean it or realize she hurt you. I already know I’ll be the ‘bad cop’ as my boyfriend is way more easy going than I am (that is, if we have children). I am glad that her third day went better at least! Here’s to the rest of the week being easier.
E.M. recently posted…Thoughts On Having Children
Thanks so much. 🙂 I’ve just read your post E.M. and I think you’re doing absolutely the right thing by weighing up all the factors in having kids – you have to be totally sure before having them. It’s ok not to want kids either! 🙂
Hugs.. I can’t give any advice I don’t have children but think about it this way, it could be worse. She’s not a teenager yet LOL.
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I try not to think about the days when she’ll be a teenager! I know what I was like at that age!
She may have meant to hurt you. That doesn’t mean she meant what she said, but she knew what to say to you to get you really bothered. It’s good that it still bothered you, but IMO it’s good, too, that you didn’t show that to her. Kids and manipulation…we’re in for such a fun road ahead! 🙂
femmefrugality recently posted…Financially Savvy Saturdays Eighth Edition
Having kids is expensive AND emotional for sure. I find it interesting that a lot of finance bloggers
Don’t have kids. I think it is great that they are handling that short coming before that do! Cause it will be a financial and emotional shocker! 🙂 I love kids and all the drama they bring, good and not so fun! Hang in there. Just wait for the teen daughter years ! Woo hoo! Xoxo