Weddings can be expensive to organise, there’s no doubt about that. But what about the cost of attending as a guest?
It’s lovely to be invited to a wedding of course, but the cost of attending wedding celebrations can soon add up so it’s well worth budgeting for carefully.
A few years ago, one of my best friends told me that she was getting married. I was over the moon for her especially as she’d been waiting a really long time for her fiancé to propose. So when she asked me to be her maid of honour, I said “Yeah!” without a second thought!
My friend asked me to organise the hen party and after she told me what she wanted, I set about organising it. The whole hen party affair took place over an entire weekend and involved all sorts of activities including pampering treatments, accommodation, meals out and drinks.
Before I knew what was happening, the hen party was costing around £350 for each person (and I’d made sure to get the very best deals). The other girls attending the hen party were fine with the cost and I could hardly be the one person not to go so I had to shell out for it too. I knew I should have just pulled out, but I felt like I couldn’t let my friend down so I went along with it anyway. 🙁
My hubby declined the stag night invitation because we knew that we really couldn’t afford to do both – the stag do was adding up to around the same price!
Then came the accommodation for the wedding itself and this was over two nights because of a special meal which was planned the night before the wedding. There was the cost of that particular meal and drinks. I wore an old outfit for this meal as did my hubby and on the day of the wedding, I was wearing a bridesmaid dress and the hubby wore a suit that he bought years ago. So we didn’t have to spend money on clothes thankfully! We ended up staying in a hotel miles away because it was much cheaper than staying on site like everyone else.
We obviously wanted to get my friend a wedding present so we contributed £50 towards their gift list. Even with the savings that we attempted to make, we spent just over £700 to attend my friend’s wedding celebrations and that was without spending money on the stag night. On several occasions I was tempted to pay for accommodation on my credit card but luckily I didn’t. We really had to save hard to manage getting through this.
As much as I appreciate my friend and wouldn’t want to hurt her, I could kick myself for spending so much now. We spent so much money because we thought that we had to and everyone else was doing the same – our friends wouldn’t have understood if we tried to explain our situation. And I really still believe this to be the case.
But actually, it doesn’t really matter whether they would have understood or not – we should have put ourselves and the debts first. We could have attended the wedding and not spent quite as much if we’d have faced up to our fears and took whatever criticism came our way on the chin.
Since that time, we’ve had to decline quite a few requests to attend special occasions because of the risks of costs spiraling out of control like in this example, so we have put the debts first. It’s been tough doing this but these are the kind of sacrifices we need to make right now for us to get out of debt.
I’ve learned two things about friends in the process to become debt free:
- Some friends understand debt and some don’t. When they don’t, it doesn’t make them a bad friend as such. Lots of people don’t ‘get’ debt and don’t really understand what it means to be ‘broke’. That’s just the way it is sometimes! Nowadays, I just remember how important getting out of debt is to me and make that my priority.
- I’ve needed to be a friend to myself more than ever during this process. Because it’s only myself (and the hubby) who can get us out of debt!
Would we spend £700 to attend wedding celebrations again? Nope! Not even for immediate family members and this time around, we would find a way to make them know that it’s nothing personal and do everything in our power to be there for them without splashing out so much cash.
Have you spent more than you wanted to when attending a wedding or other special occasion?
P.S. I’m posting over at Debt Advice Blog today with an article called 5 Myths About Managing Debt Dispelled. I’d love it if you’d head on over there now to check it out! Have a great weekend!
*Image courtesy of Free Digital Photos
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24 Comments
Why yes, I believe too that £700 could really hurt the pockets especially if you are doing your best on frugal living. But I had a similar experience from which a great lesson was learned; something I know I had to go through first, get hurt but yes, learn from it and I did.
Jen @Sprout Wealth recently posted…Make Money Series – Earn Money Testing Websites
I definitely feel as though I learned a lesson here about knowing when to say no – and I also got myself a thicker skin in the process. These days, I mostly get through the consequences of saying no without too much stress! Glad you made the most of your experience in this area too Jen.
This is why I’m doing my best to make my wedding as cheap as possible for our bridal party. We’re not making them pay for much, and we’re footing almost all of the bill. My bridesmaids will only be spending less than $100 each. It’s a lot of money for us to spend, but I think this is how more weddings should be like anyways!
Michelle recently posted…Would You Move To A Completely New Place?
That’s great Michelle that you’re thinking about the impact of costs for your wedding party members, especially as this is your big day! I’m sure it will be an amazing event! 🙂
Two summers ago, I was invited to 7 weddings. Thankfully, 3 of them were in the same town I live in, I declined on two (one I really wanted to go to!), and footed the bill for flights and hotels for the other two. It wasn’t *super expensive* but it all added up quickly!
Thankfully I’ve only been in one wedding party – which was for my sisters wedding. And while I did have to pay for a flight, my dress, hair/make-up, etc. overall, it didn’t cost too much, and it was an expense I was happy to make to be a part of the day.
But stories like yours are why I’m really on the fence about what I’m going to do when my wedding time comes. Do I have engagement parties, and bachelorette parties, and a stag and doe (side note: I find it funny how every different community has a different name for these), AND expect wedding gifts? That seems like a lot to ask from our friends and families.
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7 weddings in the same year?! Wow. I think the issue is around expectations you know. If you don’t ‘expect’ too much of your guests and can feel ok about those who can afford to attend all or just part of it then you shouldn’t have to worry too much. 🙂 My friend fully expected me to be part of everything as her wedding meant the world to her. I wanted to be part of everything of course but really I couldn’t afford it. Had the expectations not been quite so high, I may have felt able to let her down gently about the hen party for example. Another issue is around me being stronger as a person which I think I’m getting there on this front now at least!
Hey Hayley and thanks for sharing your experience with us 🙂
To be honest, while it is a lot of money, it was for the benefit of your best friend and hopefully the enjoyment of such is not marred by how expensive it was.
That being said, I hope your friend stays married for a long long time so that your investment was well spent.
I had a friend who I spent some money on in the form of a wedding gift and such, and while it was no where the amount you spent, it still prove to be a big expenditure for me at that time. Anyhoo…within sixth months my friend and his wife separated and were divorced soon after! I honestly felt like sending them an invoice for the money I spent so that I could be paid back! I of course did not do that but it was tempting 🙂
Take care and my best to all. Happy weekend!!
Lyle
lyle @ the Joy of Simple recently posted…Simple Pleasure – Happy 🙂
Oh no, sorry to hear about what happened with your friend’s wedding Lyle, what a shame! The thought of asking for a refund would probably have crossed my mind too (temporarily at least!). My friend had a great day, so of course it was lovely to be there for her throughout all of the celebrations. The trouble was that we just couldn’t afford it. That was back in the day when I ignored financial problems most of the time! Have a great weekend Lyle. 🙂
It’s a nightmare how much weddings cost these days, not only for the bride and groom (or their parents) but also for the guests! YIKES! I attended my BFF’s wedding a couple years ago and I never added up how much it cost me, but I know it wasn’t cheap.
Shoeaholicnomore recently posted…April 2014 Budget Plans
It’s so lovely to be invited to a wedding, but the costs can really add up as you say especially with hen parties and all the pre-celebrations that go alongside a wedding!
£700 to attend a wedding is too much money but I can understand why you felt like you “had to” go along with it. J and I are going to do what we can to keep our wedding on a budget for us and our guests. Although my younger sister is probably getting married later in 2015 so it’s going to be an expensive year for us! Yikes!
Girl Meets Debt recently posted…Crossing One Thing off My Bucket List!
Ouch, yes that could be expensive with two weddings in the same year! Still time to save though I guess? Weddings are hugely important and I think it’s great that you’re thinking about the costs for your guests as well as keeping within a budget for you and J too. 🙂
Wow is this ever timely. I am going to my first-ever “bachelorette weekend” tonight. The costs keep creeping up and I can’t believe how many people are going and spending the money! I am glad that I can afford it and that there is only really one wedding for me to attend this spring!
Anne @ Unique Gifter recently posted…So we spent $2000 last weekend
Hi Anne, thanks so much for commenting! That’s great that you can afford it, sounds like you thought about that in advance at least, unlike me! 🙂
Weddings can get awfully expensive and there is a lot of pressure to spend money attending everything. It can be incredibly difficult to tell friends and family members that you can’t do something because it doesn’t fit your budget. Like you said, some will understand and others won’t. But you have to do what’s best for you and your family and that is getting out of debt. Your true friends, even if they don’t completely understand, will still love you and be your friend.
Shannon @ The Heavy Purse recently posted…Blog Round-Up: Week of March 24, 2014
I absolutely agree that “you” are the best friend of ‘you’ – great post!
I’m amazed about how expensive weddings (and everything around) gets here! I have my dream wedding all sketched out, and the most important thing will be my dress (duh) my guy (on his way… running a little late) and the people him and I love most.
Debby recently posted…Day 164 – The Oddest YES! Day.
I like the lessons you learned from this experience. My cousin asked me to be in her bridal party when she got married, and I honestly wasn’t expecting it. I was only twenty at the time, with no job, still in college. Thankfully, my grandma helped out a bit, but I felt horrible because I had to say no to the bachelorette party. I didn’t feel like I could truly be a part of the bridal party, and there is a lot of pressure when you’re in one. Whenever I get married, I’m going to try to keep costs down for everyone!
E.M. recently posted…Being Grateful: Twentieth Edition
We spent $1900 for a week in Hawaii to attend a wedding that my husband was a groomsman for during the first year of our debt repayment journey. I guess the amount is not too bad, but it was just bad timing. We booked the airfare on points which helped a lot. Thinking about it now makes me go a little cray-cray. Hawaii was on my bucket list so I guess it’s not all bad.
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Those special occasions can really add up! I really like the strategy you’ve since adopted. Its always sort of awkward to have to say no and cite the high costs for your reason, but ultimately you have to be responsible for your debt.
Leonard @ The Wallet Doctor recently posted…How to reduce your food costs
It is awkward sometimes to say no, but I’m definitely getting used to it now. I’m getting a thicker skin! Thanks for commenting Leonard. 🙂
You have NO IDEA how much I needed someone to write what you wrote. In the next few months my best friend is getting married. I’m the type of person that usually goes all out for her regardless of my financial situation. There’s been her 30th, a baby shower, a baptism, and now her wedding shower and wedding. I know she expects me to help, and I know money will be spent. I have told her that my “budget” is nil. I’ve surprised myself because usually I automatically feel too bad to be truthful but when you simply don’t have the money, you just don’t. There are no longer credit cards to hide behind because they’re all maxed out, and as far as cash goes, I just don’t have it. At the end of the day in a situation like this I have to look out for myself because no one is looking out for me but me!
Hi there, thanks for visiting and for taking the time to comment! I’m really glad this post helped you. Costs can really spiral out of control for such occasions and not all friends understand the whole debt thing. I hope you manage to stick to your guns and be a good friend to yourself – your friend’s wedding will come and go but your debt could linger on if you focus your financial efforts on the wedding instead. You’re the priority! 🙂
That is a massive amount of money! When I had my night out with the boys everyone paid their own way as well, but we only went to a steak house and then hit the town. Overall I probably spent around $100.
I know a couple that recently got married and they spent a small fortune (money that they didn’t have), but they paid for a lot of it out of their own pocket.
I think you are right regarding people who understand debt and money and those who don’t. I try to associate with those who do so I don’t get put in the situation where I am almost expected to spend more money than I am comfortable with.
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I’m definitely doing more of that too Glen – associating with people who understand. It’s much easier for us nowadays compared to before! Thanks for stopping by and commenting. 🙂